Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I love you. Go after that dick
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
