So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
