dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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