I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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