Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
