The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
