dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
