Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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