Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
