I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
