I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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