I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
where are my eyebrows?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
