So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
