I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
