dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
