420 ftw
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
