Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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