my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
