then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
