i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
