she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
