I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I deserve this hangover.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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