We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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