the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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