Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
