Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
