I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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