It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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