I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
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Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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