she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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