just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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