And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
