My cat gives me a boner
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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