I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
