I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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