My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
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