No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
