I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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