hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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