ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
is it fun? or sober?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
