I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
