I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
