Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
