My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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