hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
