I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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