drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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