Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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