Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm passing your future prison.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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