i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
