im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
