I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
