How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
