census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
