nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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