I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I am spending my child support on dildos
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
