She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
