doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Floor bacon is actually really good
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
