I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
