It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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