Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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