he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
