I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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