Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
