no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
