you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
