My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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