Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I got her a Nickelback box set.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
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