She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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