There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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