Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
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I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
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I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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