i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize