You work out of a Hotel?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
