next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i've created a new STD.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
