you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
