I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
