Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
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The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
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I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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