I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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